Hopefully you haven't eaten so much turkey over the past couple of days that you have been in a tryptophan coma! I thought you might enjoy reading a post I wrote for another blog for which I am a contributor.
Recently I experienced a very protracted, very unpleasant spell fighting off what appears to have been several nasty-on-their-own, insurmountable-together bugs. It started with a second sinus infection, turned into another double ear infection, morphed into an are-you-kidding-me? cold and then swiftly mutated into bronchitis. Did I mention that I developed a raging infection in a cracked tooth during one of the two days I was moderately functional in the middle of all of this? Clearly my immune system was overwhelmed and it just shut down like Kim Kardashian’s marriage.
So I have spent WAY too long in bed, mostly sleeping, sometimes taking the colorful assortment of medications (anitbiotics, probiotics, vitamins, acetaminophen alternating with ibuprofen, cough suppressant, I think I swallowed a couple of buttons that were on the nighttable….), sometimes whining, sometimes watching – well, listening to – what passes for daytime television programming (six BILLION channels and NOTHING of value!) and doing a LOT of thinking.
Here, in no particular order, are some of those thoughts:
1. Coffee doesn’t taste very good as a chaser for Robitussin.
2. Judge Judy is OUT of her DAMN FOOL MIND. It’s no wonder she’s a TV judge; she would be disbarred in, like, nine seconds in a real court.
3. There’s nothing like clean 300 count 100% cotton sheets when you feel crappy.
4. Chicken soup really DOES make you feel better!
5. Contrary to what they tell you, the males of the household really CAN feed themselves when push comes to shove.
6. Seemingly contradictory to number five, males need step by step instructions on how to prepare even the simplest of things. Yes, you DO need TWO pieces of bread to make a grilled cheese sandwich; you don’t melt the cheese in the pan and wipe it onto the bread later.
7. When you have a really raspy voice and a deep rough cough, people on the other end of the phone think you are one of those people who smokes 5 packs of cigarettes a day and lives in a trailer with 60 cats.
8. Lemon ginger tea kicked up with some slices of fresh ginger and spoonful of honey really helps a throat irritated by too much coughing and helps nasal congestion.
9. Pacific brand Cashew Carrot Ginger Soup is DELICIOUS and has the same effect as number 8.
10. Consume enough lemon ginger tea and carrot ginger soup and you – personally – will smell pleasantly gingery .
11. No matter HOW much lotion they soak into a tissue, when you are this sick you will look like Rudolph VERY quickly.
12. Some people will just NEVER understand that when you are this sick, you really can’t travel even if it is “their turn” for Thanksgiving.
13. You really CAN end up with – hang on, lemme check – 1,273 emails in your inbox.
14. RCN webmail SUCKS!
15. There are too many hosts on The Chew; the show confuses me. Is it a cooking show? A healthy cooking show? Bacon porn? Make a decision!
16. Heavy rain falling at night is very soothing when you can’t sleep.
17. No matter how hideously ugly you might get when you are sick your kid still loves you.
18. Even though you might be deaf in one ear, the squeaking that comes when you blow you nose can still scare the crap out of you.
19. Don’t try to knit when you have to blow your nose every nine seconds. DEFINITELY don't try to stamp!
20. You can get carpal tunnel pain in less than six hours when you develop an addiction to online Tetris.
21. There’s nothing like a bout of extreme ickiness for you to learn who loves you. To those of you – and you know who you are – thank you. I owe you and I am so grateful to you for being there for me.